Dear Quinn, Starting school

 

Dear Quinn,

I wonder where the years have gone

as I tuck you up snug in bed.

We hug and say noche mi amor

and I kiss you on your little head.

Tomorrow's a big day,

it's off to school for you.

With lots of friends to make

and a world of things to do.

Your days will be filled with learning

not just the two of us anymore.

You are so excited and happy

and I'm sure that you will soar.

Be kind, be happy

the teachers will help you with the rest.

Have fun, take care

and Jed says remember yellow house is the best.

The day is upon us

Oh Quinn, how time has flown.

I'm so very proud of you

and all the ways in which you've grown.

As I watch you march through those gates

I wonder if I'll get a backward glance.

Or whether you'll be too quick and eager

and I won't stand a chance.

So, I'll hug you one more time

and then wave you on your way.

Eager to hear all about your news

you want to tell at the end of the day. 

I hope you have a lovely time

with lots of fun and play.

And I'll be there waiting when you're done,

with a kiss at the end of the day. 

Love always,

Mummy x

Dear Jed, You're seven

 

Dear Jed,

I can't believe you are 7 sweetheart, where have the years gone! Look how much you've changed. 

Since the pandemic started, I feel like you have grown up so much. I look back on the last year and you've become so much more interested in the world and the people around you.

You often ask me about the work I do and we talk about the amazing work the scientists have achieved getting the vaccine out. 

You've been very considerate and matter of fact about Granny's chemo, and I love seeing the way your mind works. 

You are police mad, I mean, police mad!! I hope you liked your police motorbike cake. You dress in police colours nearly always. You make sure you are in police gear, even if we are just popping out to walk Archer. You have got the sirens noise down to perfection, and you are always trying to arrest Quinn (even if he doesn't want you to). You are practically counting down the years until you can join the police young cadets.

In your own words, we have good days and bad days. We are so similar that we are often at logger heads, and you sure do know how to push my buttons when it comes to being less than kind/winding Quinn up, and due to my own issues I find it harder to stay patient than I would like...but, I hope you know just how much you are loved, even when I'm cross. 

You have recently started reading for pleasure, a series about a half dog, half man who is a police officer, of course...and it makes my heart so happy to see you reading to yourself at bedtime or coming home to see you waving at me from the office window, because you've been sat on the sofa in there reading on your own. Getting excited when you've finished one book and asking I can order the next in the series. I love it!

7 years ago you turned me into a Mummy and I will forever be grateful.

You have my heart, sweetheart. Now and always.

Love always,

Mummy x

Dear Jed, turning six

 Dear Jed,

I wonder about each of these letters I write. How you will read them in the future, what you'll think...but this one even more so...because you've just celebrated your 6th birthday, when the world is in the middle of the Corona virus pandemic.

I know you found today strange, that we couldn't have a big family party like we normally do. That you haven't been able to get together with all your friends either. It's a strange enough time to be an adult, let alone a child. Having to keep our distance from people we love or give people even more space on the street. Not being able to hug anyone outside of our household, and you know we love a hug! It's bizarre sweetheart, there's no other way to describe it. You are often saying "make sure you are 2m apart" or "when the Corona virus is over..." We've even made a little wish jar with things we'd like to do when we can.

You often ask me whether the scientists are working on a vaccine or when I think it'll be over. Truth is, we have no idea at this point when life will get back to the normal we once knew, it it ever will. In some ways, I hope it stays changed. People have used their cars less, wasted less meaning the environment has had a bit of a breather. People have come together as communities, gathered on their doorsteps and celebrated the NHS. Looked out for each other and meant it when they've asked "you ok?" Recent visits, (albeit in the garden and still keeping our distances) have meant so much more. That said, I also can't wait to be able to just go round someone's house and actually go indoors and share a meal at the same table as each other. Something that was perfectly normal 3 months ago and now seems completely alien. 

I feel like you are living through a bit of history sweetheart. Not only is the pandemic around us, but there's a Black Lives Matter movement that it, thankfully, getting a lot of press at the moment. Now, when you are older and you read this, I hope you look back and think that was when things finally changed. That the scenes of brutality and the heart-breaking stories that we've been seeing are just that, a thing of history, gut wrenching images to be studied and learnt from but no longer lived through. That the voices saying "enough is enough" broke through and change happened. It's something we talk about a lot at home. It is something we will continue to talk about a lot. Your current stance, as a police obsessed six year old is that "those police officers who just people by the colours they are should be locked up for 15 years and I will lock them up when I am a police officer." You also like saying "no one chooses whether they are peach (you never call us white despite knowing the term) or black. They just are peach or black. What difference does it make." We have to continue to question what we hear, what we see, everything. We have to be an ally. 

2020 is turning out to be one hell of a year, and one I doubt will be forgotten any time soon.

That said, you've just turned 6 and at bedtime when looking at photos of how you've changed you asked me if I miss the days when you were young. You were confused when I said "yes and no." In some ways the days when you hugged me every time you left the house and needed/wanted me for everything were adorably sweet, but like I said I love how inquisitive you are now, how clever and funny. How you want to know what's going on ALL the time. The in-depth conversations we have now. You are a deep little thinker and I promise every stage is precious. I say that with love in my heart, despite us often being at logger heads with each other. We are just too similar. My apologies in advance for that.

Love always,

Mummy x