First day on the job (a work of imagination)

Talk about mixed emotions. On one hand I was thrilled, first day on my dream job but then the sudden realisation of where my dream job would take me, hit home.

It was a 4am start to get to the spot safely and then I felt very much on my own, which of course I wasn’t. There was a translator, a guide, a reporter and a number of soldiers who had been assigned to look after us but even with all those people around me I still felt incredibly lonely.

To begin with I almost forget what I was there to do; I just couldn’t believe my surroundings. It must have been a good twenty minutes before I took my first shot. My first shot, huh, that saying holds a completely different meaning for me now, that’s for sure. I mean of course until I took my first photo, which in itself wasn’t that easy as the bullet proof vest restricts movement somewhat.

We travelled for a bit in which time I managed to get a lot of photos taken. Mostly these were of destroyed buildings, desolate streets and even the odd frame of anxious looking locals and children who were clearly aware of our presence and appeared to relax and breathe just that little bit easier once we had continued on our way and gone past them.

Of one thing I’m certain; if I am going to be able to do this job and to do it well I am going to have to toughen up.  For example, probably the most poignant photo I took today was one I almost didn’t take because I felt uncomfortable doing it.

We had come across some kind of guarded barrier with a lone guard, I’m sure he wasn’t on his own but I didn’t see anyone else at the time and I felt very intrusive as I stared this soldier straight in the face and raised my camera to take his picture, while he stood there observing us, as we all watched him.

“It’s what I’m here to do”, “It’s what I’m here to do” I kept running this phrase through my mind over and over and over again on a loop and trying to remind myself that in order to be the photojournalist I want to be, that I need to take honest, unbiased photos and to leave my own opinions and feelings at home. Though while looking into the soldier’s saddened eyes which have undoubtedly seen more horrors than I could ever imagine it was exceptionally hard, especially as once finished here I will get to go home and be sent on my next assignment while this young soldier will still be on guard in this hostile place and that’s if he’s one of the lucky ones.